'Cause you said, said he was the one
Baby yes you said, said you were in love
Wang Liying
Apple♥
17
20Nov
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WHATSWRONG/0807
Tuesday, July 8, 2008, 3:40 AM
Life is just so unpredictable. For a moment, i just felt so restless. I had no more energy to move on to the next phase of my life anymore. In fact, its more to don't want then no energy. I totally lost in this maze, called life. I know that there are leaders in this society, that will help me and lead me out of this maze.
Uhwell, back to whats there in school.
My handphone rang during physics lesson, when we were doing our practical.I was so stunned ok, that i totally did not know what to do. Well, QingCheng and Samuel helped me to cover up the sound by being louder than my ringtone. Afterwhich,they spoke in hokkien to hint me to off it off. Thanks guys. Well, if you wonder how i did in the end, i took off my battery. HAHA. (:
Lessons was boring as usual, all the way until maths lesson. Haishah wasn't here and i got so freaking emo throughout. Thanks to weili, for helping me get rid of my emo-ness by competing with me maths questions. And shawn that cute boy. haha. thanks for helping to cheer. (: At least i still know that my willpower is still very strong ok. Even though i can't solve one question, i kept doing until i get the answer, right weili? (:
Food and nutrition lesson was the key for the day's event. We had our Coursework B-Planning written O levels exam. Yep, Olevel. This is why I was awake until 1am yesterday, and was also why I did not listen during SocialStudies lesson today, sorry MrTan. But well, it went great. I hope that it was okay, and nothing goes wrong. (:
& TaDa! thats the end of my whole day's lesson.
When I left school, i on my phone. Yes, i received countless of messages.
First one was from hannah. She told me that she sortof gotten into trouble. I seriously don't understand why KIDS nowadays want to play such boring and childish games. Fight fight fight. Big deal eh? & I seriously think that it is over for such a long time already, shouldn't it be over? why were you guys, especially -----, still quarrelling with hannah over such long incidents. You are a girl, but you don't behave like one. -.-
Second Message was from Siokyit.
She asked me some questions which I will elaborate upon below.
Third was from shery, stating that Ben apologised to me.
I was wondering what had happened when i finally understood when siokyit,and shery told me things all at the same time. There, I undestood. I don't blame you. I really don't. I just want to know that why must all the things turn out this way, when i thought that it wont. Why must the few of us turn out to become like this? Shouldn't we at least still have that trust in each other? The trust that binds us all together like before? At least in the past, we share secrets openly. Now? all the lies and lies and lies.
Badstabbings and whatsoever.
I dare to swear to god that i did not backstab anyone. But why you. Of all people. Uh,whatever.
When I reach home, I smiled and still pretend as if nothing has happened to me. I joked when I am outside my freaking room. My room's door seemed to be so obedient today. I acted well, just today.
Out of my room, I behaved like a kid, totally with no worries.
In my room, here I am. An emo kid, with thousand and one problems hovering above my head. What am i going to do? Stay here and do nothing? Yea, I guess so. At least, now i do think that i'm so not popular, so well hated by many. And i only can keep quiet.
Think of me of the past. Am i such a coward? If such a thing really happened to me, i think that i would have made a big freaking fuss out of it. What fuc---- went wrong with me?
Obviously, there were somemore messages, but those were senseless messages. yep.
Anyway,
I missed everyone from the previous batch. I so hope that i would have joined you guys and went to poly now. I so love the way I used to have. Now? Certain things really still made me stand still to the ground. However, most of the things on earth now, that really make me, want to follow the wind, and fly away - to a far far away land.
I want to go out, but i can't frequently. Maybe after Olevels, I everyday go out le.
Only than i can have the feeeling of being a human. I don't want to be a robort at home. Study, eat, smile, shit, smile, laugh. Only at night, then i can be myself and secretly cry myself to sleep.